The Life of Repentance (Fr Luka Sidarous, 2001)

The Life of Repentance

The saying of Christ (to Whom be the glory) about John the Baptist, that he is the greatest of those born among women is a true statement because no one made a call to repentance the way that John the Baptist did, such that all of Jerusalem came out to meet him.  Repentance, in the eyes of God, is the greatest work a person performs. Repentance means returning to God. God does not desire the death of a sinner. He loves his return. He rejoices over one sinner that returns and repents. The one who wrought this work of repentance and this call for repentance, this fiery spirit of Saint John the Baptist, became the greatest person in the world. The church places him, places Saint John the Baptist, in his true place. The Virgin Mary is above the Heavenly Hosts. The Virgin is placed above the Cherubim, above all the creation. We ask for her intercessions and then the archangels and angels. And then, first among the people, before the prophets, the pure apostles, and so on is Saint John the Baptist, in accordance with the words of Christ.^[1]“Assuredly, I say to you, among those born of women there has not risen one greater than John the Baptist …” (Mt 11:11; cf. Lk 7:28).. The church depicts him, in her Praises, as the angel of the covenant,^[2]In Coptic hymnography, John the Baptist is the only human being, apart from the Virgin Mary, who is asked to “intercede on our behalf” (using the verb aripresbeuein or the noun presbeia, which is otherwise only addressed to Mary and the angels). All other human saints from from both the New and Old Testaments are asked instead to “pray on our behalf” (using the verb tōbh or noun euchē). because the prophecies say, “Behold, I send My angel, and he will prepare the way” (Mal 3:1). An angel! Some icons draw Saint John the Baptist with two wings like an angel.

But very striking are the words of Christ about the generation that saw John the Baptist and heard the words of Christ. He says, “But to what shall I liken this generation?” Who are they like? It is like children sitting in the marketplace. They don’t like anything. So they are saying to each other, “We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; We mourned to you, and you did not lament.’” So, playing the flute is not working and mourning is not working. For John came neither eating nor drinking. He ate locusts and wild honey and they said he was a demon. The Son of Man comes eating and drinking, sitting with sinners. He receives everyone. His door is open! They say, ‘Look, a glutton and a winebibber.” Christ did not drink wine. They said this: a glutton and winebibber. These are their words. “‘A friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ But wisdom is justified by her children” (cf. Mt 11:16–19).

Therefore, a call for repentance is one thing, but receiving these words is something else. Is there a preacher in either of the testaments like John the Baptist? No. There is not and there never will be. Did his words not affect these people? It says, “But the Pharisees and lawyers rejected the will of God for themselves, not having been baptized by him” (Lk 7:30). How? Even when Christ (to Whom be the glory) preached the kingdom of God — and He is the Lord of that kingdom!— they did not accept His words. Even signs and wonders that surpass the mind did not touch anything within them! What is this? What is this? What kind of heart is this? Stone? No, it is harder than stone. This is why I am telling you that repentance is a movement of the heart towards God. I don’t want to tell you John the Baptist or the Person of Christ (to Whom be the glory), or the blessed God. But today, the voice is one voice. Whose voice? The voice of the Holy Spirit.

People tend to be very selective [when it comes to speakers]. Who is speaking? Such-and-such a person says, this person’s opinion is this and that person’s opinion is that. There are so many teachers, so many preachers, so many books. People started to shift their attention to who has a big name, who is a philosopher, who is intelligent, who says nice words, whose words are convincing. “This sermon is good. This sermon is bad.” Sermons and books became categorized according to people’s liking. But the reality is that if someone desires to repent, you have the Bible. Forget about this and that person and people and speakers. When Christ sent out the pure apostles, He said, “It is not you who speak, but the Holy Spirit” (Mk 13:11). If you would like to accept these words, they are not the words of human beings. Whether it be the words of John the Baptist, or the words of Christ (to Whom be the glory), the founder of the Law, or the words of the apostles, the disciples of the apostles, the writings of the holy fathers, or hearing a word – from who? From human beings? Hear it as the Word of God. Do not hear it as the words of a person. St Paul the Apostle praised those who received him and said, “You have received us.” “You have received me,” [he said] to the Galatians, “You received me not as a man but as an angel of God” (Gal 4:14). St. Paul says, “The words that I have spoken you have truly received them as they are.”

There are some philosophers that are coming up in the world right now whose inner lives are corrupted, but they call them scholars, meaning they are professors and teachers. They say, “Who said that?” Saint Paul said that. “Well, that’s his personal opinion. What do I have to do with Saint Paul’s opinion?” even though it is written that the entirety of the Bible is inspired by God. The entire Bible!^[3]cf. (2 Tim 3:16–17). There is not a single prophecy that was by the will of man speaking on behalf of God. The saints are led by the Holy Spirit, but the Holy Spirit is the speaker. Who is Paul and who is Apollo? What stops people from repentance is factionalism, classifying people. “I am for this person and I am with that person. I belong to this group. This is a knowledgeable man. This priest is …” This is not right. Even among the pure apostles themselves, when there were some factions among people and they took sides, they said, “I am with Paul.” Is there anyone like the Saint Paul the apostle Another said, “No, Apollo. Saint Paul the apostle did not see Christ. I am with Apollo.” He told them, “Who is Paul and who is Apollo? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul? But ministers through whom you believed. I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase” (1 Cor 1:13; 1 Cor 3:5–7).

This is why I am telling you – no matter what you hear – when you hear a word, hear it as the word of God. Give it listening ears and a humble heart. “I have heard the word of God. This word of God is for me. It came from God for me.” Who said it? It doesn’t matter. Who brought it to your ears? Believe me, it’s not important. Because we, as Saint Paul says, “For we do not preach ourselves but Christ Jesus the Lord and ourselves your bondservants for Jesus’ sake” (2 Cor 4:5). This is the position of the one who speaks to you. This is the position of the one who preaches to you. This is the position of the one who brings you the word of God. We do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord and ourselves your bondservants for Jesus’ sake. This is why the faithful person who desires repentance accepts words as a message to him from God. He says, “I heard this word and it struck me. It came to me from God.” He is able by the grace of Christ to receive every word that comes to him unto the salvation of his soul. He benefits greatly! It is not merely in an intellectual manner to satiate the sense of hearing in that a person hears something good and is happy with it or his mind likes it and he leaves very happy saying, “Wow! These words made me very happy.” This is an intellectual satiation. It will not benefit you. But if the word reaches the hearing of your heart, begins to convict your conscience, and this sense of moving towards God begins in the person – to change his way and behavior: humility, words, choices – and the person begins to obey the Word in order to build up his entire life and decisions on the Word, then the Word of God has reached this person. Not everything that your mind holds or is happy with reaches you.

But when the Word reaches a person, what is written about that: “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow” (Heb 4:12). Marrow is the spinal cord. It reaches the depths of the soul. Like what? Like a sword that cuts, like something that separates between light and darkness, between right and wrong, between truth and falsehood. It divides in life. So, the word begins to have reached me.

You know that the word repentance means changing your life. You may have heard a million sermons before today, but your life was not changed. What have you done? If you have heard, the fathers say that there was no one who got far with preaching, spiritual words, and interpreting Scriptures throughout all the generations of the church like St. John Chrysostom, the archbishop of Constantinople. They would say, “If you do not have a paper and pen to write what John Chrysostom is saying, write it on your hand or on your shirt” because his words – the church gave him the title of Saint John Chrysostom (owner of the golden mouth). If you heard Saint John Chrysostom preaching your entire life and your life was not changed, then it is nothing. The moral, then, is that these words that reach me — and they are truly a lot — are the Word of God who spoke by the prophets. The prophets, in the New Testament are not those who prophesy about the future. The prophets in the New Testament are the preachers. “Prophecy” in the New Testament, after Christ, is preaching. The word “preaching”^[4] al-wa‘ẓ: preaching, admonishment, exhortation. in the Arabic language means rebuking the soul.^[5]tabkīt al-nafs. So, if the word reaches us and does not influence the soul to change, does not move the person from one life to another, nor does its wondrous work of repentance and changing the foundations of the soul in him, then we have done nothing. What is important in the eyes of God is for a person to change his life, that a person be completely transformed, that the person who begins in the life of repentance has a changed mind. There are many stages of change.

Our Protestant brethren thought that change is for a person to stand and pray so he is renewed, changed, and saved and that’s it. In just a minute! He says, “I am a sinner.” He says before God and others, “I am a sinner. O God have mercy on me a sinner,” like the tax collector. Then, he changes and he is just changed from a state of sin to a state of righteousness and that’s it. But the truth is that this is neither practical nor a reality. Why? Because we are all sinners. We are all susceptible to falling everyday and every minute. We must work out our salvation in fear and trembling. St Paul says, “For now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed” (Romans 13:11). We are walking in the way. A change in life is change. We were changed in baptism from the old creation to the new creation. Change in our lives as children of God, in the life of repentance that I am speaking to you about, is continuous change from glory to glory, from grace to grace, from increase to increase everyday. It is like something living, a living tree. You find everyday that it is renewed and changes, lots of leaves growing and blossoming and fruit, and it keeps going. So, change does not mean […] a moment that a person regrets his sin. It is just one part of many parts – that if I fall into a sin, I repent of it, change my behavior, my words, my thoughts. Change is a continuous, consistent, and daily work. Our minds are renewed and we increase in grace. By knowing yourself, grace increases, love increases, humility increases, holiness increases. The more it increases, the more one changes. Because what I knew yesterday, today, or now – the state that I was in yesterday, now or today – is extended forward. So, I change.

So, repentance in the life of the church and according to the teachings of the fathers of the church across the generations is a continuous work all through life. The proof of that is that our very, very, very great saints lived a life of repentance throughout their entire lives. They were not sinners. It was not like a thief who stopped stealing and was repentant. No. Ask Saint Macarius the Great for example. Saint Macarius (Abu Maqar) is the father of the monks of the entire wilderness of Shiheet. How did he begin? He started off with a life of consecration to God. Good. He lived as a companion of the Cherubim from the moment he left the world. He was chosen by God. Very good. What was he doing in the desert? St Macarius lived until he was 92 years old. What was he doing? He was repenting. Repenting? What was he repenting of? Repentance is a life. In the Orthodox life, a man draws near to God and comes to know himself for who he truly is. In the light of Christ, I know myself without deceit. Who am I? Dust, ashes. When the source is present, I will know myself well. Forget appearances and looks, names and outward appearances. Enter into the inner depths of the soul. Who am I? When the saints knew the height of their wretchedness, they stood before God as the greatest sinners.

Sometimes someone will say, “I am a sinner,” but in his own mind, he is not. If you are involved in some problem with him, you find that he is very, very, very stubborn and defends himself and his pride in quite a manner. Yet, he is the one who tells you, “I am a sinner.” It is just an appearance and some words. But the pure saints saw themselves with clear and true vision in the light of Jesus. They knew themselves and knew in their inner depths that they are sinners. They lived the life of repentance. Saint Antony dedicated his entire life, 105 years, to what? What are the great works he was doing? He was praying? Praying what? He was praying the prayers of a repentant person.

This is why I am telling you that we have become very, very estranged. We have gone extremely far away. So, the call to repentance is originally for the sinners. The saints took it and said, “No, it’s mine.” You are not a sinner. The one who needs this repentance and change of life the most is me. I am the first to take the words of the Bible and the commandments for myself, to take the rebukes that are in the divine words to myself. This mourning and weeping, I am the first one that needs it. It gives life. It gives a change of life. Why?

Should I read you the Gospel reading that you heard from the beginning? The Kingdom of Heaven is taken by force. How is the Kingdom of God taken? By violence, by force. Why? Because it is originally not yours. We are dust. Where are we and where is the Kingdom? The Kingdom is not for us. But, every one of us forces himself, takes it violently by force, snatches it away if he is convinced in himself that he is a sinner. He lives a life of prayer and humbling himself before God and asks for a change of life daily. He says, “Lord, You are the One Who lifts the needy out of the ash heap, the One Who raises the poor out of the dust, Who grants the barren woman a home, like a joyful mother of children” (Ps 113:7-9).

Glory be to God forever, Amen.